“Because I Want To!”– Overcoming the Tyranny of Our Intellect
As a Professional Coach, one of the skills I’ve cultivated over time is the ability to recognize patterns—subtle threads woven through stories my clients share, and most often, through the moments of my own life. Lately, a particular pattern has been showing up with striking consistency: the compulsion to intellectualize the simplest decisions.
Last week, one of my daughters came to me to say she had decided not to attend a party she was invited to. Before I had a chance to say, “Okay, great,” or even ask, “Why?”, she launched into a lengthy explanation of all the reasons why she wasn’t going. And there it was again—this almost reflexive need to validate our decisions with perfect logic, even when no one is questioning it.
May I add—this pattern shows up not in discussions of life-changing decisions, but in very simple daily ones: what foods to eat, what clothes to buy, where to go, etc. Minor everyday choices, followed by an avalanche of reasons! It’s as if we believe we’re not allowed to make choices without also proving they’re the “smart” ones. And yes, I’ve caught myself doing this too.
Now when it comes to decision-making, I’m all for intentional living—taking the time to think through the decision at hand, weighing the pros, cons, and opportunity costs, and then choosing the one that aligns with my values.But once that decision is made, that’s it—it’s done! I no longer need a list to continually convince myself or others of its validity.
But what I had been observing was different—it’s an anxious loop of self-convincing, a persistent internal dialogue that says: Your desire alone is not enough!
This actually comes as no surprise to me. We live in a world where it has become the norm that in order to be considered a productive and successful member of society, your life must consist of daily actions that provide deep benefits and profound meaning to prove your value.
You have to wake up at 4am, cold plunge, sauna, journal, meditate, intermittent fast, have a multi-step skin-care routine, lift weights, cook gourmet macro-balanced meals, get 8 hours of sleep each night, run a multi-million dollar business from your phone, AND make it all look flawless on your social media account!
I’m exhausted just writing that list and I know I’ve barely scratched the surface.
Let me be clear—there’s absolutely nothing wrong with discipline, rituals, or ambitious goals. I’m a firm believer in having a personal operating system and habits that support one’s values, and much of my work with clients involves creating exactly that.
But what’s getting lost in this pursuit of optimal living is the simple, soul-nourishing act of doing something because it brings you joy! For the fun of it! Because I want to!
There is a beauty in doing something simply because you desire to do so. For no “real” reason other than the fact that you want to. Something about that experience is drawing you in, calling you to take part, or it sounds like something you can picture yourself doing and enjoying.
When we declare “Because I want to!”, whatever action we take on from that place of desire often brings with it a sense of ease, joy, and creativity.
We can let go of the grip of overthinking and ruminating, and no longer feel plagued by trying to make it make sense. We can truly drop into the richness of the experience.
This allows our mind to stop racing, and really expand and open to whatever the experience is. Life begins to feel less like a constant problem to solve, and more like an adventure to savor.
So next time you find yourself—or your kids, family, friends—desperately trying to intellectualize a decision they’ve made, invite them to pause, stop the unnecessary monologue of listing reasons, and gently remind them to simply say, “Because I want to”.
Let these words be enough. Let desire speak. You might be surprised by how it feels and where it leads.
