“I Need to Fix Myself”— Breaking the Self-Judgment Cycle
For far longer than I’d like to admit, I believed that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I was convinced that I was “broken” and desperately needed to “fix myself” to feel valuable and worthy.
This was my mindset as I muddled through years in survival mode. I was trying to heal and find my way through loss and grief. And this mindset only deepened the sadness, anger, shame, and guilt that I was already struggling with.
Confronting the Myth
There is a quiet, yet very powerful and pervasive myth that harsh self-judgment, i.e., assuming we're broken and flawed, will motivate us to change. We sadly believe that if we're tough enough on ourselves, then we'll finally take positive action in the right direction, whether towards healing or fulfilling our goals and desires. We beat ourselves up for not having done more or better, with the hope that guilt and shame will bully us to act differently in the future.
This could not be farther from the truth!
True and lasting transformation does not result from abuse and punishment. It is fueled by intentional and compassionate action, and begins with the energy of kindness. This energy blossoms from believing in and loving yourself.
Self-love is the foundation that allows for accountability and change.
The mindset of being broken and in need of fixing traps us in a frustrating cycle of critical self-judgment and guilt. We are operating from fear, lack, guilt, and shame. And while it might look like we're "working on ourselves" or being "motivated," we're actually perpetuating a cycle of self-hate and disappointment.
It's important to clarify here that self-reflection is not the same as self-judgment. Reflection, when done with patience and compassion, can be helpful to gain insight and understanding from past experiences. It empowers us to identify where change is needed.
Self-judgment only shuts down growth and keeps us stuck.
Choosing Wholeness
The mindset of wholeness is rooted in self-love and joy. Trauma, failures, and other negative experiences can invite an influx of negative thoughts, but we are not doomed to accept these thoughts as truth and adopt a harsh and self-critical mindset as a result.
We have the power and free will to choose differently. We can choose to love ourselves, especially in the midst of heartbreak or trauma, and build better habits that nourish our mind, body, and soul. This mindset allows us to honor and align with our authentic selves with compassion and confidence.
My path toward healing and thriving began only when I finally stopped viewing myself as broken and in need of fixing. Through deep coaching work based on mindset transformation, I was able to release years of fear, guilt, and shame, and replace them with love, joy, and abundance.
This mindset shift gave me the courage and confidence to create the space I needed for healing, growth, and ultimately the thriving that I was seeking. I finally saw myself as a whole person, worthy of self-care and compassion, rather than the shattered thing I needed to fix.
Remembering Who You Are
You are not a broken thing. You do not need to be fixed.
We simply need to gently peel away the layers of old, conditioned beliefs and mindsets that keep us from remembering who we are. When we boldly decide to take on this journey of transformation with courage and self-compassion, we reunite with our beautiful, whole, and authentic selves.
