“Bye Bye Resolutions” - When Habits Don’t Stick (And What Actually Works!)
We’re at that point in the new year when the resolutions we declared just a few short weeks ago have likely fallen to the wayside.
How can it be that something we felt so motivated and determined to do is now being ignored with such ease?
And when I say “we”, I mean me.
This week I came face-to-face with the reality that it’s time to re-evaluate some of the habits I thought I wanted to build. I had to pause and ask myself: Why did I want these habits, and was I going to be disciplined enough to make them happen
Let’s break down what really happens with habits, why they don’t stick, and what it actually takes to create lasting change.
Motivation Isn’t Enough
The idea for implementing a new habit usually starts with a surge of motivation and desire. We get excited thinking about how great life will be once we achieve the outcome that these habits promise. We decide that we want it, and are ready to go all in.
But no matter how strong our desire is, this motivation naturally fades with time.
This is why relying on motivation alone sets us up for disappointment.
Yes, there are countless tools and strategies to build a lasting habit: habit-stacking, starting small, using a prompt or trigger, celebrating successes, etc. These will work to build a new habit, but before implementing any tools, there needs to be a proper foundation to really make a habit stick.
Without an internal foundation, habits will fall apart, or fail to happen at all, regardless of how well-planned they are or how motivated we initially feel.
The Foundation for Lasting Habits
For a habit to truly become part of your life—and not just something you engage in occasionally—it must be rooted in two essential elements: the intention behind the desire for the habit, and self-love in the form of discipline. This combination allows for a habit to shift from something you try to do into something that becomes part of your identity.
Intention: The “Why” Behind It All
What is the “why” behind this habit?
For a habit to last, your intention must be meaningful to you and in alignment with your core values. Taking on a habit because you feel you should or because someone else tells you to won’t create the basis for a sustainable habit.
When habits are disconnected from who you are and what matters to you, consistency becomes an exhausting chore.
The stronger the connection between your habits and your values, the more likely you will continue them, especially long after the excitement and motivation have worn off.
Discipline: The Highest Form of Self-Love
Simply stated, discipline means doing what you said you will do, consistently. It’s a commitment to yourself to respect your own word.
Incorporating something new in your life, even something tiny, is challenging. Even when we know it’s good for us, we quickly sabotage ourselves and our best-laid plans to avoid the discomfort of leaving our comfort zone.
We need the gentle reminder that discipline is not punishment, but the greatest form of self-love. Discipline is a choice to honor ourselves. It’s how we develop self-trust, confidence, and love for the person that we are choosing to be.
Drop the Struggle and Create Magic
The combination of intention and discipline is where the magic happens—where our habits are aligned with our values and identity. Habits no longer feel forced, but they are the everyday expression of who you are.
Without this alignment, even the most powerful habits and the most detailed plans are likely to fail.
Real transformation and personal growth don’t happen with force.
They happen with the alignment between actions and identity.
And this alignment is what continues to sustain our behaviors.
