We all have those days when life gets the best of us—when we feel like nothing is going our way, we don’t feel like doing the things we know are good for us, and our best intentions unravel very quickly. I often get asked what I turn to as a life coach to keep myself going. My first go-to is my operating system. These are the basics that build the foundation of my life, and that I can return to for a reset whenever I need one.

In last week’s journal, I wrote about the things that help us get through our hardest days, and how those things speak to our fundamental human needs. So here’s the question I’ve been sitting with since then: What does it actually take for our needs to get met? At first thought, it sounds like having our needs met is an external job—that someone will come into our lives and “meet our needs.” But this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

What happens when you ask one simple question? Something powerful. One of the things I love most about being a life coach is the community it has created in my life. I am incredibly grateful for the people who have come together for the purpose of connection, healing, and personal growth.

A while back I wrote a journal about the realities of midlife: Midlife is not a crisis. It’s an awakening, a time of enlightenment. Yet so many people stumble into midlife feeling feeling stuck and unfulfilled—overwhelmed, without purpose, and restless. Like something should feel different by now, but they can’t quite explain why it doesn’t.

I was reminded of something today that took me back several years—to a time soon after the loss of my husband. Back then, life felt dark. I was buried in grief. Each day was lived in survival mode. I could barely manage what was right in front of me, let alone think days, weeks, or months ahead. Someone offered me a simple guidance.

We’re constantly trying to get the proportions just right, as if there were one perfect balanced life we’re meant to live. We spend endless hours, whether in thinking about it or trying the latest life hack, to achieve this optimal balance. We’re relentlessly sold the myth that if we achieve balance in our lives, then everything will be perfect—that we will be perfect. And if we don’t have balance, well, then we’re just not doing life “right.”

As part of my personal journey of healing and growth, one of the most transformative lessons I’ve learned is this: At the end of life, people rarely regret the risks they took. They regret the chances they didn’t take and the moments they settled for a life that really didn’t feel like their own.

If you’re anything like me, this list elicits a full-body “Yes, please!” These are the qualities so many of us are striving to intentionally cultivate. They're the reason clients seek life coaching—to experience deeper healing, sustainable change, meaningful success, and true confidence.

“Just tell me what to do.” This was the question that played on repeat in my mind during many of my early sessions when I first began working with a life coach. I wanted someone else to give me clear instructions that would lead me directly to the outcomes I desired. I didn’t trust myself or my ability to make the “right” decision, and I believed a coach would give me all the right answers.

We’re at that point in the new year when the resolutions we declared just a few short weeks ago have likely fallen to the wayside. How can it be that something we felt so motivated and determined to do is now being ignored with such ease? And when I say “we”, I mean me.

Close your eyes and imagine this: You go to your favorite restaurant. You order your absolute favorite meal. You wait patiently as your anticipation builds. Finally, it's placed in front of you, and you take that first bite you've been dreaming of. But something's off. The chef didn't add any spices, seasonings, or the usual sauces that make it so tasty and unforgettable.

How many times have you made a commitment to yourself—a new nutrition plan, exercise routine, or an earlier bedtime or wake time—only to hear that familiar inner voice say "I'll skip it…just this once"? You're not alone. This happens far more often than we'd like. It's a common challenge I see as a life coach, and it's something I've experienced many times myself.

It’s a new year. A fresh start. Perhaps you spent the last few weeks in a holiday haze—not doing much, or maybe reflecting on the past year and setting intentions for the year ahead. And now you’re ready, standing at the threshold of a new year…yet you already feel like you’re hitting a wall?! If that resonates, let me reassure you: it’s not you, and it’s not your goals or intentions.

For the past two weeks, my inbox has been inundated with emails reminding me that the year is coming to an end and it’s time to conduct a personal annual life review. To be fair, I signed up for these kinds of messages a long time ago, and I usually welcome these invitations with open arms. Yet this year, rather than feeling inspired, I felt overwhelmed by the push to do a full annual review.

“How do I know what I really want?” and “How do I get it?” These powerful questions are some of my favorite ones to explore, because determining what you want lays the foundation for your life. And once you know what you want… well, the possibilities ahead of you are simply exciting and expansive!

Most things in life are pretty simple, but as the complex humans that we are, we tend to complicate them way more than necessary. These three experiences revealed simple yet profound truths of life. They reshaped the way I live and became foundational mindsets I live by.

Last week’s journal explored what it means to live fully with the wisdom and opportunity that emerge in our 40’s. Later that week, we celebrated my daughter’s 21st birthday. During celebrations for her milestone birthday, I couldn’t help but think about the powerful 20’s and 30’s that build the foundation for who we become in our 40’s and beyond.

Midlife, the next chapter, the second mountain, the last half… call it what you want, but please, stop cringing, and please stop telling the tired story that life is over! I hear it time and time again in regards to every aspect of life: once you hit forty, it’s all downhill from there. The only thing sad and tired about life in the forties is this mindset!

My journals are often a reflection of mindsets, strategies, and habits I’ve developed over the last several years to create a purpose-driven and fulfilling life. We’ve explored topics like creating white space, fierce commitment, and cultivating strength, just to name a few. But equally important to what I’ve added to my life are the things I choose to exclude.

I have a good friend who was by my side in the early days of grieving and at the beginning of my healing journey. He was especially present when I signed up for a deep transformational coaching workshop—one of the first steps I took in my personal growth journey. He called me after reading last week’s Journal and we shared a heartfelt and reminiscent conversation about all the emotions, doubts, and needs that are so often left unsaid when we talk about self-growth and transformation.