What Do I Want… And How Do I Get It?!
These are possibly the top two questions coaching clients ask when they’re seeking clarity in life:
“How do I know what I really want?”
And…
“How do I get it?”
These powerful questions are some of my favorite ones to explore, because determining what you want lays the foundation for your life. And once you know what you want… well, the possibilities ahead of you are simply exciting and expansive!
What Do I Really Want?
Many people spend a lifetime asking themselves this question. They search endlessly for clarity. To find the answer, they read books, take classes, follow trends, and ask countless friends or family members. Yet, despite all this effort, they still feel unsettled, uncertain, and unfulfilled. Sounds familiar?
The problem here is inherent in where we’re looking for the answer to this powerful question. We exhaust ourselves seeking it externally, when the only true answer can be found internally.
The answer to “What do I want?” is unique to each individual and is rooted in personal values.
Understanding your core life values gives you the clarity to know what drives you and what fuels your sense of meaning, fulfillment, and purpose. This foundation will ultimately lead you to know what you want and a life that feels aligned and satisfying.
But here’s the key factor in determining what you really want: you must be willing to take time, look within, and be radically honest with yourself to determine your personal values, and then to understand and determine your desires. No one else can do this for you.
As a professional coach, I can help clients with tools and strategies to go deep and clear away whatever may be masking their true values and desires, but I can never determine them for anyone. This is purely an internal job.
How Do I Get What I Want?
This second question is beautiful and exciting. When trying to figure out the “how”, anything and everything is possible. This is the question to which I encourage my clients to get curious and creative.
We may know we want a certain outcome, but there are endless options for the path to get there and for how the actual outcome might look. This is not the space to be stuck on only one way.
This is the space to seek external input. Guidance and support from coaches, mentors, and other experienced colleagues can have invaluable impact as we explore the “how’s” in our lives.
This is also the time for “messy action”—taking that first step even when the entire path is not visible. Even the smallest forward movement can create the momentum you need to get going.
Now while the answers to these questions are found in different places, there is one thing that they both have in common: the answers to “what do I want” and “how do I get it” will change through the seasons of life and as we grow and evolve.
So allow for expansion, development, and possibly redirection. Life is meant to be explored and experienced. We were not meant to stay stuck in life patterns and desires that are outdated and no longer fit us.
If any part of this Journal sparked insight or curiosity in your own life, I encourage you to engage with these powerful questions. It’s truly an act of self love to carve out some time for yourself and sit with the question, “What do I really want?”.
That clarity you’re looking for is already there.
Photo: D. Bana Photography
