Do the “Research”–Self-Discovery in Your 20’s & 30’s
Last week’s journal explored what it means to live fully with the wisdom and opportunity that emerge in our 40’s. Later that week, we celebrated my daughter’s 21st birthday. During celebrations for her milestone birthday, I couldn’t help but think about the powerful 20’s and 30’s that build the foundation for who we become in our 40’s and beyond.
Today I’m writing for my young adult community—those navigating the beautiful, messy, and often complex years of their 20’s and 30’s.
Consider this a love letter—a passionate reminder—that this is the time in life to do the "research”. This is the season to be curious, to try, and to fully live each experience.
Far too often, I come across young adults who feel paralyzed by fear and perfectionism. They struggle with simple daily life decisions at best, and avoid meaningful exploration beyond their comfort zones at worst. And it's no wonder! Young adults are presented with a picture-perfect world on social media, where posts are filtered, touched up, and precisely curated for optimal followers, likes, and sales.
I don’t blame anyone for feeling the pressure to conform. I feel it too!
But I would like to offer a reminder of the power, freedom, and fun that comes with being young, and to encourage this essential "research" in the journey toward cultivating an authentic and fulfilling life.
Trying Over Perfection
This is a time for chasing ideas, trying things out, and seeing what is right for you. You're not supposed to have it all figured out, so take this time to get to know yourself—what interests you, what energizes you, and what drains you.
The only way to make this happen is by trying. And trying can be messy, so stop worrying about what it looks like and take that step outside your comfort zone. Say yes to the thing that scares you a little, go for the project that is slightly beyond your skill level, and go on the date that feels interesting—none of this needs to be “forever”.
Every “try” will reveal more of who you are and what you want in your life.
Curiosity Over Judgement
Let go of the pressure to be “right” about everything. Give yourself the space and allowance to simply be curious, without needing any justification or validation, and especially without any self-judgement.
We worry so much about making the “right” choice. But how are we supposed to know what the right choice is for us if we never try any of the options?
This leaves us only to do what we think we should, and then judging ourselves for anything that strays from these limiting “shoulds”. And if you’re part of my coaching community, you already know that “shoulds” and self-judgement won’t get us very far in our journey for a purposeful, loving, and fulfilled life.
Do It Yourself
This is not a time to live vicariously through others, or to take their word for what an experience means. This is the time to do it yourself, have your own experience, and give your own meaning to it.
Having your own experiences will help to build your intuition and your inner compass—not the one your family or community hands down to you. The self-awareness that emerges from trying things and understanding what resonates with you eventually becomes the foundation of your life values.
Permission & Compassion
More than anything, give yourself permission to explore, evolve, and eventually outgrow whatever is no longer aligned with you. And do this with great self-compassion, because your life is a constant work-in-progress that will feel more fulfilled and aligned when guided by love.
All of this “research” is what builds the foundation for the clarity, intuition, purpose, and wisdom that become so powerful in our 40’s. So let yourself try for the sake of curiosity, stretch beyond what’s comfortable, and fail, learn, and try all over again.
And to my 40-year-olds reading this with a hint of regret, remember this: It’s never too late to do the research! Don’t overthink it! Reclaim your curiosity, without judgement and without regret, and indulge your 20-year old self!
