As a woman in her mid-forties, having experienced marriage, motherhood, and a deep desire to do good in the world, I truly believed I had a firm grasp on my core life values. I had lived enough, experienced enough, and achieved enough to know myself, right?!

So at the beginning of my personal coaching journey, when I was asked by my Life Coach to complete the Life Values Assessment, I scoffed internally, thinking, “What a redundant exercise and, clearly a waste of time”.

But nevertheless, I agreed to go along with the process anyway, mostly thinking that I would receive confirmation of what I was already so sure of.

As I moved through the exercise, something unexpected happened.

Yes, the values I thought were most important to me—like freedom, joy, spirituality, loyalty, trust and respect—were indeed meaningful.

But they weren’t the core drivers behind the decisions I made or the life I wanted to live. Beneath the surface, at the very foundation of my inner compass, were two surprising life values I hadn’t fully owned up to: Courage and Integrity.

Courage? ME??

I couldn’t believe it because I never thought of myself as anything near courageous. I was the shy girl who never made much noise, never said much, never asked for much, never got noticed, and definitely never did anything close to resembling courage.

And yet, everything I desired to have, live and create in my life—meaningful relationships, purposeful work, authenticity, and abundance—were all based on honoring the value of courage.

Whether they explicitly say it or not, most people (myself included!) who choose to work with a Life Coach are seeking courage:

The courage to finally acknowledge what they truly desire.
The courage to ask that their needs to be met.
The courage to take action towards their dreams.
The courage to believe they deserve to live an authentic life.

For me, courage meant claiming my voice and stepping out of my comfort zone, which often looked like accepting others’ choices as my own.

It meant making aligned decisions rather than people pleasing.

It meant expressing my wants and ensuring my core needs were fulfilled.

The other value that rose to the top was Integrity, which felt more familiar, but was an equally powerful force in my life.

Living with integrity is living from a place of wholeness and honesty—there is no gap between who I am, what I say, and how I live.

Integrity is doing what you say you will do.

It’s feeling all the feelings that come up—yes, especially the heavy ones!

It’s taking full responsibility for your life, without blaming others or circumstances, and without hiding or numbing away from situations.

This one was more obvious to me—if I didn’t act and live with integrity, then the impact of any other life value would be diminished.

Clear acknowledgment of my core life values was THE game changer for me.

After uncovering my values, courage and integrity became the cornerstone of my life.

As a result, clarity became ever-present.

If a decision, opportunity, or action did not align with these values, then the answer was an absolute “NO!”

I no longer second-guessed myself or agonized over choices and decisions—I now had a compass to guide me.

And from this place of clarity, there emerged a space for growth and learning, new opportunities, and eventually, earned wisdom.

I found my authentic self, and life began to expand as I stepped out of survival mode and started to experience true aliveness–this is what life feels like when you live in full alignment with who you really are.

What does living in alignment with my core values look like today?

Here are a few examples:

1. Holding a Boundary

Especially saying “no” when I need to, and not saying “yes” to appease someone or because I feel obligated.

This is staying true to who I am and what’s important to me.

It doesn’t mean I don’t care about the other person, but it’s an acknowledgement that what they’re asking is not in integrity with my life.

Holding a boundary helped me understand that my needs are valuable and don’t need to be diminished to keep a relationship going.

2. Traveling Solo

Being courageous to go beyond my daily routine.

For me, this is not just adventure, but a confirmation of self-trust.

Exploring new places, meeting new people and seeing different things are exciting, but more than that it stretches me beyond my comfort zone.

These travels always give me a wider perspective and remind me of my ability to create joy, connection and meaning no matter where I am.

3. Raising My kids On My Own

Being a single parent requires courage and integrity daily!

Trusting my intuition, making decisions that reflect our unique family needs, and staying true to the life I want for us is a constant act of deep courage and alignment.

Living your values isn’t a one-and-done decision, it’s a daily choice.

Doing this work of uncovering my core life values changed my life. It’s the ultimate game changer when you clearly understand what drives and supports you.

And as a Life Coach, I can tell you that when you know your core life values— the ones that truly lay the at the foundation of who you are and the life you want to live—and you start to live consciously by those values, life shifts in a powerful way.

It’s not always easy to do so, but in return life becomes undeniably clear. And in that clarity, you find strength, direction, purpose, and true power to be fully present and alive

I invite you to get curious about your life values.

Let them to be more than just thoughts in the back of your mind. Choose to live in alignment with them, and open the door to an aliveness and thriving that is waiting for you.

Photo: D. Bana Photography

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