Sh*t I Don’t Have Time For
Imagine this recurring scene in my house: whenever I ask my kids what they would like for dinner, the answer is often, "I don't know… whatever you want."
But the moment I start suggesting options, they're suddenly full of opinions and quick to say, "No, not that… I don't want that… Anything but that!"
Sound familiar?
Isn't it interesting that they can't seem to articulate what they do want, but they can very clearly and quickly express what they don't want?
This is a classic example of negative preference bias. And it's more common than we realize—it shows up in all areas of life. Our brains are naturally wired to give more attention to negative experiences, information, or thoughts rather than positive ones.
So when it comes to knowing what we do want—in relationships, careers, education, or simply food choices—we often revert to "I don't know."
As a professional life coach, I see this all the time: clients who feel stuck, uncertain, or unclear about what they truly want. But don't let this discourage you! We are not doomed to dwell in this land of feeling lost and unable to articulate our desires.
That "no" you feel so strongly about is not wasted energy—it's a compass pointing you in the right direction.
We can use this negative preference bias to help us uncover what we really do want. And one of my favorite ways to do this is through a simple yet powerful practice of creating a list called:
Sh*t I Don’t Have Time For
Yes, that's the actual title of the list. And yes, it's really as empowering as it sounds.
This list has helped me clearly identify what I don't want to make time for—things that drain my energy, disconnect me from my values, or keep me playing small. It reminds me where I want to direct my focus when distractions loom large and FOMO starts to kick in.
Here are a few of the items from my own personal list that I will no longer make time or space for in my life:
Bad food or drinks, especially bad coffee!
Complaining and negative talk.
People pleasing or being “nice” at the expense of being authentic.
Clothes that don’t fit me right, or that I just don’t like, no matter what’s trending!
Guilt and unnecessary self-blame and self-judgement.
Worrying about what other people think of me—their opinion is none of my business!
So how does making a list of what I don't want help me know what I do want?
Because I've decided not to settle for the things on my list. And if I find myself considering them, chances are I'm not acting in alignment with my core values and authentic identity.
Each one of these “no’s” reveals something deeper I’m saying “yes” to:
Nourishing my body with quality
Surrounding myself with empowering energy
Honoring my voice
Feeling confident in my own skin
Living free of shame
Valuing self-approval over external validation
What we say "no" to ultimately reveals our underlying needs and truths. When we stop tolerating what doesn't serve us and isn't aligned with who we really are, we create space to discover what truly does.
I refer back to this list quite often as it has become part of my personal operating system. It's especially valuable when I feel life pulling me in too many different directions and I'm tempted to say "yes" to something that just doesn't sit right with me.
And when I remind myself of what I'm not willing to make time for, I know I'm acting in alignment with my values of integrity and courage.
If you find yourself saying "yes" to things that leave you feeling drained, resentful, or unfulfilled, I encourage you to start your own list of “Sh*t I Don't Have Time For”. Hold yourself accountable to it.
And over time, your truths and values will emerge and help you reconnect with your most authentic self.
