Balance is Bullsh*t
Have you noticed how much time we spend trying to create a balanced life? We obsess over:
Work/ life balance
80/20 nutrition
Spending/saving budgeting
Time with others/time for ourselves
Time for our spouse/time for our children
We’re constantly trying to get the proportions just right, as if there were one perfect balanced life we’re meant to live. We spend endless hours, whether in thinking about it or trying the latest life hack, to achieve this optimal balance. We’re relentlessly sold the myth that if we achieve balance in our lives, then everything will be perfect—that we will be perfect. And if we don’t have balance, well, then we’re just not doing life “right.”
Having not only pursued balance in my own life, but also coached clients who are searching for it, I have to say…
Balance is bullsh*t.
Or at least the concept of balance we’ve been sold is.
What we’re actually chasing are the feelings we hope balance will create in our lives—peace, ease, clarity, and contentment.
So many of us continue to build our lives in pursuit of balance—optimizing habits, life hacks, and tools—and wait for these feelings to follow. And when balance proves elusive, we shift to self-judgement and blame ourselves that we’re not doing it right.
But what if we’ve been chasing the wrong thing all along?
The real answer is alignment.
Alignment is living authentically. It’s the full integration between actions, mindset, and identity with core life values. When you are living an aligned, authentic life, your thoughts, habits, and goals are intentional and move in the same direction, rather than working against each other.
Pursuing alignment instead of chasing balance puts you in a position of awareness of what each season of your life requires of you. Alignment does not mean every part of your life receives equal attention all the time—each season, circumstance, challenge, or opportunity will demand your attention in different ways and require different responses from you. Simply as a matter of self-compassion, it would be unfair to expect ourselves to be perfectly balanced. Our lives are fluid and dynamic, and deserve to be respected and treated as such.
And there’s a bonus: Alignment allows for intensity in one area of your life when needed, without guilt, shame, or resentment. It allows you to be radically present and fully experience the season of life that you’re in.
In my own journey, balance eluded me throughout my entire life. I always felt I was failing miserably:
I questioned the time I spent studying instead of spending time with friends.
I wondered whether one more hour at work meant less quality time with my kids.
I debated between a quiet night at home or social time with friends.
There was always a sense that I was supposed to know how to balance my life perfectly—and that if I didn't, I was the problem.
Looking back now, I know that if I had understood aligned living, I would have spent far less time ruminating and questioning myself. I could have simply shown up authentically for each season and circumstance I was in.
What I see now with my clients is that when they decide to stop chasing balance and instead focus on determining their core values, something powerful happens. They begin building habits that support those values. And when this alignment happens, that's when they see their life with more clarity and live with greater peace and contentment—not because everything is perfectly balanced, but because their choices are intentional.
Alignment changes everything.
The outdated idea of balance forces us to divide our lives (and ourselves!) solely based on what is expected of us. As we strive for that elusive balance, we are also waiting for validation that we are living life “correctly.” Living in alignment removes this narrative. And perhaps most importantly, alignment reduces the chaos and resistance that comes from trying to meet the external expectation of how life should look.
Living in alignment offers us the ability to clarify priorities, take intentional actions, make necessary trade-offs, and keep energy focused—without the burden of expectations, guilt, or shame. You can be fully present in the season you're in rather than constantly questioning whether you should be somewhere else.
Consider this your invitation to pause and reflect on the season of life you're in right now.
What matters most in this season? What values do you want guiding your decisions? And what might change if, instead of trying to balance everything, you focused on living in alignment with those values?
Because when you stop chasing balance and start living in alignment, you give yourself permission to fully experience the life that's unfolding in front of you right now.
